The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
