I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
