i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
