My sheets look like a crime scene.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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