bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
