She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
