remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
