By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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