You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
