My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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