Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
