if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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