Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
