just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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