speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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