Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
