Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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