I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
