So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize