she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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