Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
