so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
