I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
