You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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