In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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