if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
