i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
