Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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