I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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