It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
