every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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