She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
