dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
