Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
