I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
