Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
