my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
