Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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