I am puke
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
