We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize