i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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