Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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