So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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