you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
