After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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