He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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