didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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