see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
