'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
