he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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