I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
