hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
