the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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