last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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