If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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