Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
