Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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