just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
