i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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