nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
