TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
