Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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