I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
