Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
