there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
