god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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