I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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