That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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