Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
