Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
