Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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