He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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