North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
