My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
