i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
