there's paper in my vomit.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
