Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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