her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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